Not Getting What You Need? have you tried asking?
Over the weekend, I got pretty down about some of my relationships. As a small business owner, I am building my business and my brand to not only fill myself up and feed my passion, but also to literally feed myself and my dog (I am lucky she doesn’t eat much). But I wasn’t feeling the love and support from some key players in my life and that really bummed me out. We’ve all got relationships where we feel like we give more than we get, or that drain our energy with little payoff. And it's a freaking drag, man. I was ready to bench these former MVPs--to throw in the towel--call it a loss.
Luckily, my coaching skills kicked it (one of the bonuses of being a life coach!) and I was able to shift my perspective. I recalled a conversation where a close friend of mine revealed she’d felt like I had been pulling away and not supporting her in moments when she really needed it—and how it caught me off guard because I felt just the same. That experience reinforced for me that [most] of us aren’t mind readers. And maybe my loved ones weren’t meaning to be unsupportive—maybe they just didn’t know how best to support me, or what I needed.
Give them a chance to support you, I told myself. Ask for what you need.
. . .
And I did. Just about an hour ago, I sent out an email to 30+ of my nearest and dearest thanking them for their support and explicitly asking them to take specific actions to help me grow Shawcroft Coaching. It felt scary and pushy and uncomfortable, but you know what? It also felt pretty damn good.
Now, instead of assuming that my friends and family think I’m garbage or this whole endeavor is silly and biting my tongue, feeling resentful and hurt, I’ve cut out the gray area and made it crystal clear what my needs are.
But why is this so hard?
. . .
I receive many emails from other coaches, mindset strategists, etc. I’m always curious what other services folks are offering and I’m eager to learn. Today, just as I was putting the finishing touches on my email, I read a message I’d received from a love coach, Terri Cole. She’s kicking off a Raise Your Love Vibe challenge (check it out here) and today’s “assignment” was to be mindful of what offers we say no to and what we need but don’t ask for. And why.
This really resonated with me, especially today. As an independent woman out to ‘prove’ something, accepting help is hard. Asking for help is much harder. My saboteurs kick in when I ask for help— ‘they’ll think you can’t do it’; ‘you’re a failure’; ‘you won’t succeed’; and the mama of all my saboteurs: ‘YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH.’
But, as we know about saboteurs, they may be loud but that doesn’t mean they’re always right.
. . .
As I searched for a subject line for this BIG email I was about to send, I enlisted my best friend to help me brainstorm. She suggested “It takes a village.” This, too, gave me pause.
Obviously, this is not a new concept—or even the catchiest email subject line (sorry, AQ) but it is true. We can’t do it all alone. Not even close. So, I offer up an inquiry for you to marinate on today-- a bit of an extension of the one from Terri.
What do you need help with? Who can help you? How can they help you?
Maybe it’s something that feels really big, or maybe it’s something that feels small. Whatever it (maybe there’s more than one!) is, what’s stopping you from asking?
And here’s a challenge for all you over-achievers: ASK!
p.s. can I help you? Book online now!