Re-Think That Valentine!

“You complete me.”

“You’re my other half.”

“I need you.”

“You are my everything.”

I wonder how many Valentine’s Day cards this year will contain some variation on one of these themes? And while the intent behind each of these is sweet enough—the desire to express to someone how much you love someone; how much they mean to you; how much of a better person you feel because of them; there’s also a very dangerous sentiment in all of those phrases.

I’m a coach trained by the world’s largest coaching school, the Coaches Training Institute (CTI) and one of the cornerstones of CTI’s coaching framework (and my practice) is that people are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. And, viewing people through the lens of my coaching practice (and world view), no one can complete you: you’re already complete.

No one is your other half: you’re already whole.

Similarly, I think people can meet our needs—our need to feel secure, to feel loved, to feel a sense of belonging. But convincing yourself you need someone—especially needing someone to the point that they are your ‘everything’—discounts how resourceful and creative you are. Yes, definitely look to your support system to help ensure your needs are met; but don’t rely so heavily on anyone or anything outside yourself to the point that you can’t support yourself, emotionally, or otherwise.

You ain’t broke. Well, not literally—I don’t know what your bank account looks like [dad joke alert, hardy har har.]

But seriously. Aroubd this crazy holiday celebrating love and coupledom and hearts and flowers, it’s easy to think there’s something ‘wrong’ with us. That we’re less than because we’re not one half of a couple. That we’re ‘damaged’ from a bad break up. ‘Unloveable’ because we’re single at gasp 35. That because we didn’t get sparkly diamond ring again this year, that the problem must be us. That we’re broke. That we need to be corrected; mended; made loveable; fixed.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong, wrong.

This might surprise you, coming from a life coach. ‘Isn’t that the whole point of life coaching?’ you may be asking yourself. ‘To ‘fix’ broken people?’

No, is the answer, plain and simple. It’s not.

You are creative, resourceful and whole. Why not put that on a Valentine?